The role of the Past

Posted in Uncategorized on October 27, 2009 by servant of the most merciful

The past are those things that are done and dusted. The past and dwelling on it can have benefits and harms.

From amongst the benefits are learning from your mistakes so that the next time you are able to not make the same mistake.
From learning about your past you can look at what path you were taking, what direction you were heading in and once you realise what path you were traveling in you can make the right adjustments.

However one should remember you can never live in the past, you can only live in the present. One of the harms of dwelling on the past is that you forget to live in the present and plan for your future. You present becomes wasted and you become unprepared for your future.

Non-muslim Me and Muslim Me

Posted in Uncategorized on October 27, 2009 by servant of the most merciful

Salaam alaykum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuhu,
After becoming muslim I adopted a muslim name as it felt right to do so. Many people grew to call me that name yet I still became used to using my non-muslim name. I became used to my family calling me by my non-muslim name as I never impressed upon them to call me my muslim name. I thought it would be too much to them. All in all I became used to living a double life. I became used to being Non-Muslim me and Muslim me.

Now I have the opportunity to abandon my non-muslim name completely and change it. Something that I have wanted to do for a long time. Something that I have spoken about doing several times. Yet now I have the opportunity to do so I am stumbling and hesitating.

Allah has given me so many things at once. Allah has answered so many duas of mine that I am speechless and dumbfound. Allah is the Most Merciful.

I am beginning to think that my hesitation is due to my limiting my Lord through my own thinking of how merciful Allah could be. I knew Allah could be merciful and that there are no bounds. But I limited Allah and now that Allah has shown me a small fraction of his mercy I am dumbfound. Limiting Allah in thinking how merciful Allah is, is surely from Shaytan, as is doubt. I really need to give Shaytan the biggest slap possible.

Flight of faith

Posted in Uncategorized on October 27, 2009 by servant of the most merciful

Salaam alaykum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuhu,

When a bird is born it is limited to the nest til it grows it’s flight feathers that would enable it to fly. Beforehand it would of never have used these feathers at all. It will stare out of the nest in longing to be with the other birds. It may flap it’s wings a little but the feathers will never be able to take the weight. Now it has been given the feathers to fly, to be with the other birds but it hesitates.

It hesitates because it knows only the nest. It doesnt know if it can fly despite the wings. It doesnt know if the wings will take the weight. The only thing to do is to take a step,spread it’s wings and fly.

Likewise when we are given the wings of flight we need to take the step,spread our wings and fly. Whether we fall or fly is up to the mercy of Allah. This remains a reminder to myself first and foremost.

Stepping out of the cage

Posted in Uncategorized on October 27, 2009 by servant of the most merciful

Salaam alaykum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuhu,

When I took my shahadah I thought I had accepted Islam. Over the next few months I came up against barriers to my practicing Islam. I thought I had realised all of them, identified them, sorted them out or at least worked to live with them. I grew comfortable with the cage I was living in.

Once university finished I got upgraded to a slightly bigger cage. I became so impressed by the size of that cage that I forgot I was still in a cage. The extra small amount of space I was given tasted so good I became blind to the fact that I could live life without a cage. That as a muslimah I could actually step outside my cage, spread my wings and fly…..

Approximately three months ago I was able to break my slightly bigger cage. I was given the freedom to fly with the other birds. Yet up to this point I have stuttered to open up my wings and fly with the other birds.

Life in a cage was all I had ever known. It was all I knew from birth. An animal born in captivity would never know what it would be like to run wild. To be with all the other animals in the wild. It knows the limits set out by the cage. It knows the floor, the walls and the ceiling. Yet in the wild there are no walls and there is certainly no ceiling.

Some argue that animals born in captivity will never be able to be released into the wild. Simply because they have lost the ability to live in the wild or that they never learnt it in the first place.

Yet look at these beasts in the cages. Why is the cage there??? What purpose does the cage have? The purpose of the cage is to protect whatever is on the outside of the cage usually from what is inside. Despite this animal being born into captivity, raised in captivity it is still caged. It is still wild. We still need to be protected from it….

This animal still has instincts, wild instincts. It just needs to find them. Within it’s DNA, within the soul of it’s body it can become wild again. It can do as it’s creator has created it to do.

Likewise I may have been born in a cage, and raised in one. But somewhere deep down inside is the natural born fitrah. I just need to embrace it.

I deceived myself into thinking that I had embraced all there was to becoming a muslim. But I was completely wrong. I have been blessed to have seen the truth. I just need to find myself. Find my wild instincts that will help me become the muslimah that Allah has truly ordained for me to become.

All at once

Posted in Uncategorized on October 27, 2009 by servant of the most merciful

Salaam alaykum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuhu,

The past few posts have been written within a space of hours and the next few will do too. It is the thoughts going on presently in my head. They vary wildly in emotion. Some are happy, others not so. By writing down all these thoughts I hope to somehow organise the chaos that is my mind. I hope to somehow guide myself out of the bermuda triangle I now find myself in. The bermuda triangle that doesnt allow me to refind my bearings. The bermuda triangle that has left me in laa laa land. No mans land. Lost property. What ever it is….

…. I pray that Allah helps me refind my bearings.

O Allah you guided me out of darkness once. You have since done it several times. You have never failed me Allah yet I continue to fail you. I can only hope of your forgiveness and your mercy. O Allah please forgive me for the things I have done, for those things that have upset others and O Allah help those I have hurt to forgive me. O Allah please again guide me out of this fog that is doubt, undecisiveness and feeling lost. If you do not guide me Allah, no one else will guide me. Ya Haq bring me closer to you and put me back on siratul mustaqeem,ameen.

Please make dua for me.

Re-adjusting the bearings

Posted in Uncategorized on October 27, 2009 by servant of the most merciful

A few months back my predicted destination and my direction were set. Now they are completely different.

The scenery has now changed. The amount of bumps on the journey has changed in size and frequency.

My entire mode of transport has completely changed.

The magic carpet I was traveling had to be upgraded to take on another person. In fact a whole series of people.

The journey I now am undertaking looks, feels, sounds, smells and tastes completely different. There seems to be little left of the remanants of the journey I was taking on before.

I feel myself feeling uneasy on the new journey I am undertaking as it is unknown to me. I thought I had it all sorted. Even when I decided to take the detour and choose a different provider for my travel I thought I knew what I was doing. I thought I knew exactly what would happen. However whatever it was I had imagined this new journey to be like, I completely underestimated in every way, sort, shape and form.

Life is something I now have come to realise you can never suss out. Even once you think you have sussed it out in one way or another it completely changes and mutates on you. This itself turns into a trial.

When I decided to change my provider, my destination and the company I would keep on the journey I thought the trials would end. I was blind to the fact that changing my provider, my destination and the company I would keep on the journey would become a trial in of itself.

Trials come in all shapes and forms. So does life. Expect a few different shapes along the way. The first step to success is realising and identifying what trials are out there to be resolved and encountered. This post is proving to loose it fluency but yes, dont become used to the size of the trials being thrown at you. You may become blind and stumble on one like I have.

Fiamanillah

Entering New Lands

Posted in Uncategorized on October 27, 2009 by servant of the most merciful

Salaam alaykum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuh,

by the grace of Allah I have given the answer to many of my duas. Along the journey of life I have been given a companion to travel with. Words cannot express my emotions which are proving to be a whirlwind of different thoughts and feelings.

Marriage is truly a rahma from Allah and the fruits of Allah’s mercy can be seen in it. When a person gets married many of the verses in the Quran which refer to marriage gain a different understanding. In fact upon marriage and when being married you will feel these verses being played out in your daily life. One such example is the Quranic ayah:

“They (your wives) are your garment and you are a garment for them.” (Surah Al Baqarah, Chapter 2 Verse 187)

Everyone will have their own understanding of this verse. Before marriage I didnt think much of the verse. Probably because I didnt fully understand it. I thought that by being a garment for one another you would shield one another, and just help one another along the path. In fact I probably had a good understanding of the verse. That by being a garment for one another you could protect one another from the cold harsh realities that is life. That you can provide warmth for one another when nothing else gives warmth. That that person can be your sanctuary when everyone else is against you.

Being able to understand something in context and then applying it to the everyday life situation before you are two entirely different things. When you are able to fully apply something it takes on an even more important meaning. Something that will stick with you for the rest of your life.

See when it comes to knowledge it doesnt matter how much you know. It doesnt matter how much knowledge, what kind of knowledge and what weight that knowledge has. Knowledge only becomes of importance, worth and of weight when it reaches the heart. When it is applied. Only then will one taste the sweetness of that knowledge.

A friend once said it was incredibly important to get married. She used to apply a great emphasis on it, and at times I wondered what on earth she was on. Only when I got married did I realise what she meant. When you look back on the Quranic verse below it comes to light….

…. As a singleton you are alone.Alone in the big wide world. No one is there to shield you from the harsh realities. From the pelting rain, from the cold biting wind and the coldness that are trials and tribulations….

…But as a married person you have another person to shield your back. Ok the world may be out to get you but you have some warmth. Your back is warm and you feel you can take on the world. You have someone with you who will help advise you. There is no more phone a friend. You have a guide right beside you. And that companion is willing to help you fight your trials and tribulations with you. There is no need to be alone anymore.

Out of those two situations I know which one I would rather be in.

I wish I could really make the shukr I should be making to Allah for giving me my spouse. Everytime I look at my spouse they prove to be the coolness of my eyes. Everything that I wanted in a spouse I find in my mine.

Allah has truly answered my duas. It has taken a while but it was all worth the wait.

Fiamanillah